I’ve been away from this blog for a LONG time.
But I’ve been doing something new I wanted to share.
About a year ago, I started learning Stoicism.
And I was doing a good job at it.
But I felt like teaching the concepts would help me become a better stoic.
So, some of my family and friends agreed to join a text group where I explain stoic concepts.
Now, I’m going to share them here, too.
I’m not sure the best way to do this (and I’m sure this isn’t it… but this is how it is)
8/29/23
Hi all. Thanks for joining the crazy, stoic text chain. I’m planning on sending text and quotes daily. This practice is just to keep me in the books and thinking about how I can become a better Stoic. But, the impact Stoicism has had on my life in the last year is amazing. And if it helps you, that’s great!
Here are a couple of rules.
- Feel free to discuss and participate.
- If the texts are too much for you, silence the notifications on your phone for this thread.
- Remember to keep comments PG at worst.
Today I just want to hit on “What is Stoicism?”
Most people think Stoicism is about being “emotionlessness.” But that is far from the truth. The Stoics knew humans were emotional animals. What Stoics studied was how not to be ruled by those emotions.
Seneca said, “It’s OK to be surprised. It’s OK to be scared. It’s OK to be hurt. No amount of philosophy can remove that initial feeling, but what you can work towards is getting to a place where you’re not ruled by these things.”
Stoicism is a tool in the pursuit of self-mastery, perseverance, and wisdom: something one uses to live a great life. It provides much-needed strength, wisdom, and stamina for all of life’s challenges.
There are 1000s of different philosophies. This one just calls out to me. I hope you get something out of it, too!
8/30/23
The single most important practice in Stoic philosophy is differentiating between what you can change and what you can’t. What you have influence over and what you don’t. What you control and what you don’t.
What do you control? You only control YOUR thoughts and actions.
That means you don’t have control over much. And when you get upset by things you can’t control, such as other people and external events…That time is seconds… minutes… or even hours of your life that you will NEVER get back. It’s not just a frustration–It’s your life bleeding away. Precious moments lost.
So focus on making clear what is in your control and resist getting upset by things you can’t control (other people and external events)
How do you do that?
It’s not easy. But the first thing you can do when frustration hits is ask yourself, “Is this in my control?” If the answer is yes, then do something about it.
If the answer is no, let it go.
How do you let it go? You have to find a method that works for you. I try to breathe through the emotions and let them go.
We will talk more about letting go later.
8/31/23
So the question is, “How do I let things go?”
It’s a good question. And it’s the logical question after everything we’ve discussed so far. (I should have seen it coming).
I’m going to answer that question. But first, I want to show you a few Stoic ways to look at life, yourself, and how to deal with things. I’ll even show you scientifically proven tools to help.
All of this will help because the more you think about Stoic concepts, the more you become aware of your thoughts, emotions, and what drives them.
And awareness is 80% of the answer to taming your emotions and letting things go.
But I have to warn you…
If you want to escape your frustrations, you gotta do the work. The good news is you can do the work in as little as five minutes a day. You’ve got five minutes, right?
This text is long enough. But I want to leave you with one Stoic quote to think about.
When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. ~ Marcus Aurelius
Why do you think Marus reminded himself of this every morning?
9/1/23
I think Marcus repeated that phrase to himself every morning to brace himself for the day.
As a pilot, I prepare myself for the emergencies before they happen. For example, before I push the power up for takeoff, I visualize what I’ll do if we lose an engine.
Preparing helps me react almost instantaneously without thought.
If you prepare yourself for the frustration you may face as you tackle the day, it keeps it in the back of your mind, too.
That way, when someone pisses you off, it doesn’t surprise you and gives you a couple of extra seconds to react appropriately without flying off the handle.
Make sense?
That wasn’t even what I was going to say today. I wrote a completely different post about letting things go.
Guess you’ll have to check back tomorrow for that one.
9/2/23
Now, let’s get back to our first lesson. Because I forgot something important.
In fact, it may be the most important lesson on “letting things go” of all.
Remember, the first lesson was always to ask yourself, “Is this something I control?”
(Most of the time answer is “No”.)
For the next week, I want you to ask yourself over and over again, “Is this something I control.”
Ask it for everything. It doesn’t matter if it’s something that bothers you. It’s something obvious. Or it seems silly. Try to ask it at least 50 times a day.
Stopped by a red light? “Is this something I control.”
Are dogs barking at midnight? “Is this something I control.”
Someone’s rude in the checkout line? “Is this something I control.”
You get the idea.
NOW HERE IS THE LIFE CHANGING PART…
If the answer is “No, it’s not something I control,”…
I want you to say…
“I don’t have an opinion about that.”
This is your new mantra. Your emotional lifeline…
And in many ways, the KEY to learning to let things go.
I don’t care if it’s true or not. Just say it.
And if you do this exercise for seven days, I guarantee you’ll start to notice the tiny things that used to bother you don’t anymore.
Keep at it, and even the big emotional triggers will struggle to rile you up.
9/3/23
But does not having an opinion about things I don’t control mean I ignore the bad things around me—or that I shouldn’t care about the injustice of the world?
No.
One of the pillars of stoicism is justice. It was a Stoic obligation to fight for justice. That’s why so many of them ran for office or joined the military.
If you see injustice, then by all means, act. And act swiftly.
9/4/23
Happy Labor Day (for those who get the day off). Happy “less peoplely” day for those who don’t.
Here’s a little something from Seneca:
“The mind must be given relaxation. It will rise improved and sharper after a good break. Just as rich fields must not be forced… so constant work on the anvil will fracture the mind.”
Ryan Holiday amplifies that by saying, “In a way, overwork is selfish. Because It deprives the world of your later fertility. It causes needless breakdown and injury.”
And finally, Seneca says, “Constant work gives rise to a certain kind of dullness and feebleness in the rational soul.”
So, take a break today. Or sometime this week. Sometime every week.
You really can’t afford not to…
9/5/23
Hope you got some rest yesterday.
For me, yesterday was a mixed bag.
I got a little time off.
But…
I’ve been working on an advertisement for a client for three weeks.
No matter what I write, he hates it. “It’s already been done,” “It’s boring,” bla bla bla.
Most of the time, I wouldn’t let a client tell me how to write my copy. Because if they knew how to write a good ad, they would write it themselves.
But this guy runs a 15 Million dollar a year company. He built his company using the skills he learned as a copywriter for one of the most successful marketing companies in the world.
So yeah, he knows his stuff.
And yesterday, he told me to start over again.
I wanted to get mad. I wanted to get down on myself. I wanted to waste time thinking about how he was probably shit-talking me to everyone.
But thanks to this text thread I remembered, “I didn’t have an opinion about it.”
And since I didn’t have an opinion about it…all that was left for me to do was to get back to work.
9/6/23
What really causes us to be miserable?
It’s not the thing that happens to us. The rude comments. The news story. Or (insert anything that upsets you).
It’s your opinion about those things that make you miserable.
If you think whatever happens to you is good, bad, wrong, unfair, essential, deserved, or outrageous…then it is.
Having opinions about things you don’t control is what takes things that have nothing to do with you and makes them your problem.
The same is true for not liking what some other person is doing… or not believing other people should be doing something the way they are….and on and on.
That’s why forming opinions about things we can’t control is dangerous. It’s like injecting fear, anxiety, and anger into your veins with no way to get it out.
9/7/23
I’m a flawed person. I struggle with stoicism, life, everything….just like every other human on the planet.
And the quest to change can seem like trying to climb a mountain with no equipment.
It’s even harder the more I realize that I’m the cause of most of my problems.
Honestly, it was easier to have an excuse for my fear, anxiety, failures, and poor behavior.
It was easier to say, “I’m broken because of X,” or “I have bad luck,” or whatever external cause gives me a free pass.
But the truth is those thoughts are what keep us trapped in a toxic mental stew of bad thoughts… failure to reach for our dreams… and failure to be who we were meant to be.
I got tired of it.
Maybe you can relate…
The good news is if you want something better for yourself, you can have it.
It ain’t easy.
But all it takes is one little step at a time up the mountain.
Some days, you may slip and slide back down a few inches…
A few feet…
A few miles…
Don’t be hard on yourself. Just get up and try again.
“Well-being is realized in small steps, but it is no small thing.”
-Zeno
9/8/23
How to improve your mindset in minimum time—without being overwhelmed…getting down on yourself…or giving up…
In my “leisure time,” I run a copywriting business. Copywriting is just a fancy way of saying I write advertisements.
The best copywriter in the world is Gary Bencivenga. Gary’s ads have sold tens of billions of dollars. Maybe hundreds of billions.
But Gary is the first to admit that he’s nothing special.
In the beginning, it was hard for him to write ads. He often didn’t get the jobs he wanted. And he always took a beating from “Copy Chiefs,” who tore his work apart every time he turned it in.
What turned Gary from a struggling writer into the best in the world?
He credits his success to one simple solution that he follows even today.
It’s called the 1% solution.
The 1% solution is simple. All you have to do is try to improve 1% a week.
And while 1% may not seem like a lot—since you do it every week, it’s like compounding interest.
That means if you improve 1% every week, after a year, you’d be a whopping 67% better.
So in a short period of time, you can go from struggling to being great.
All you have to do is pick one thing you want to improve. Instead of trying to fix it all at once, try to get 1% better each week.
No stress. No chance of failure. Just little improvements over time.
And you’ll before you know it you’ll be a superstar.
“Progress is not achieved by luck or accident, but by working on yourself daily.“ -Epictetus
9/9/23
How to get $10,436 worth of therapy for a $1.50…
You know, sometimes I ignore good advice. Especially if it sounds hard…
But there is one piece of advice I wish I’d listened to years ago.
Many of my mentors kept nudging me to try this one thing. I kept blowing it off, though—it just felt like one more thing to cram into my day.
Another reason is because I knew it would force me to confront my own shit.
But it may be the MOST important thing I’ve done since starting my Stoic studies.
What’s my secret?
Writing in a journal every day.
Stop! Before you tune out and wait for tomorrow’s captivating text, hear me out.
There is no better way to get all your crazy (and legitimate) thoughts out.
It’s like when you let the steam out of a pressure cooker.
I started this practice last year. In the first two months, I filled up two notebooks. (Mostly with bat-shit crazy rants)
You can say anything in your journal. True or not. Mean or not. It doesn’t matter.
Your journal is your best friend. It doesn’t judge.
And the more of your thoughts you get out on paper…
… the easier it is to let things go.
And the more you let things go, the better you’ll feel.
Give it a try this week. If nothing else, just to prove me wrong.
It only takes a few minutes.
Write for as long or as little as you like.
Notebook, post-it note, and a napkin. It doesn’t matter.
I guarantee if you don’t feel better about life in less than a week—I’ll refund every dime you spent on this advice.
Heck, make it double!
“Could bitching and moaning on paper for five minutes each morning change your life?
As crazy as it might seem, I believe the answer is yes.” -Tim Ferris
9/10/23
Marcus Aurelius was a bright young man. All he wanted to do was grow up and study philosophy.
Unfortunately, like many of us, fate didn’t care what he wanted.
The emperor of Rome didn’t have an heir. And he saw promise in Marcus. So he named him the next emperor.
Marcus was not happy about it. He was worried he would be corrupted by power or fail his people. A fear that pushed him to study and practice stoicism daily.
Marcus ruled through wars, uprisings, and 15 years of plague.
And despite all of that, he became known as the last good emperor of Rome.
How do we know so much about Marcus?
We know so much about Marcus because he, like most Stoics, kept a journal.
In the journal, he gave thanks, he reminded himself of how he wanted to act, and he confronted his fears and failures.
Why would a busy emperor get up early to journal by candlelight?
Because he knew that it was not enough to learn something once. One time doesn’t build a habit. And one time, beating down your demons doesn’t defeat them forever.
Journaling clarifies the mind, provides room for quiet, private reflection, and gives one a record of their thoughts over time.
And it gives you the repetition to seal in what you’ve learned and make it a part of you.
“When the light has been removed, and my wife has fallen silent, aware of this habit that’s now mine, I examine my entire day and go back over what I’ve done and said, hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing by” -Seneca
9/11/23
Fair warning. This one may be a tear-jerker.
22 years ago today, I was at Columbus AFB, Mississippi.
I woke up sick, so I was at the base doctor. That’s where I was when the first plane hit the World Trade Center.
They locked down the base and sent us home to shelter in place.
A friend who was stuck on base stopped by, and we watched live as the second plane hit the second tower.
That’s when we knew for sure this wasn’t a horrible accident.
Then, the third plane hit the Pentagon. And the fourth crashed in a field in Pennsylvania.
We watched it all live. And kept watching until early morning.
On TV, I saw people on the street helping strangers. Firemen ran into buildings they knew they would probably never leave.
Then, later, we’d find out there were people on the hijacked planes that fought back.
Or people who just kept it together long enough to call their loved ones and tell them bye.
All of them just got up that morning and went to work. Or jumped on a plane to head home or take a vacation.
None of them knew it was their last day.
Yet, at a moment when they could have given in their terror, they rose to the occasion and lived every second as a hero.
What’s this got to do with stoicism?
The stoics were no strangers to atrocities and death.
They lived in a time of rampant slavery, war, famines, and plagues.
Bad things happen all the time. Death was at every corner.
Yet the idea of death didn’t cripple them…
Depress them…
Or leave them feeling powerless.
Instead, they used death to motivate themselves to live a good life.
It’s a concept called Memento Mori.
Memento Mori simply means that death can take you or your loved ones at any time.
How does Memento Mori fuel living a good life?
Remembering Memento Mori helps you let go of the little stuff. The stuff that won’t matter in the end.
It helps you appreciate every person, every experience, and every breath.
And it helps you make the most of your day.
It’s hard to waste time if you treat each day as your last…
…or maybe you can think of the day as a “bonus day” you didn’t expect to have.
“Let’s prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day . . . The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” –Marcus Aurelius
9/11/23 part 2
Honestly, I wasn’t sure about turning this into a stoic lesson.
I’ve spent all morning reading the stories. And remembering it all.
And I can’t say enough about the heroism that happened that day.
Or the tragic loss of life.
I spent the next 17 years fighting a war for them.
When I was young, I didn’t realize that I was fighting to balance the scale of an equation that couldn’t be solved.
When I was older, I fought to try to get as many of our young kids back home as possible.
But no matter what reason I had to fight, I often thought of the people who died that day. And how brave they had been. And I only hoped that in the same situation, I’d be as brave as they were.
“Let’s roll.”
-Todd Beamer
United Flight 93
9/12/23
As you may have noticed, Stoicism isn’t the easy path.
It’s easier to blame others for how I feel…
It’s easier to have excuses like fatigue, depression, or whatever stop me from achieving my goals…
It’s easier to sleep late, binge-watch TV, skip the gym, or not bother to learn new things…
And it’s easier to give into temptation than to deny myself.
I mean, I’m only human, right?
But is it really easier?
Is it easier when my life feels out of control?
When my emotions control me?
When I’m flooded with dread and anxiety dealing with life and people…
When I get sick, ache, or injured because I don’t take care of my body?
Or when I make poor choices in the moment that may damage my life later?
I could go on.
But my answer is no…for me, it’s not easier to live a discipline-free life.
And the good news is even in tiny amounts, discipline pays off in the long run.
“The shortcut is a lie. The hack doesn’t get you there. And if you want to take the easy road, it won’t take you where you want to be: Stronger. Faster. Healthier. Better. FREE.”
–Jocko Willink (Navy SEAL, Ret.)
9/13/23
The dog is driving me nuts this morning.
We are having a conflict of interest.
He wants nonstop attention. I want to work on my copywriting projects.
It’s tough to remember my stoic teachings when every bark or nudge sends a spike of anxiety into my chest.
So I breathe.
I remember I’m grateful to have him.
No. Not just remember it…
Because to be grateful, you have to feel it.
And when your mind fills with gratitude, there’s no room for negative emotions.
Try it. Your mind can’t hold negative emotions and gratefulness at the same time.
Maybe that is why gratefulness was so important to the stoics.
In fact, the stoics didn’t just practice being grateful for the good things that happen…they even practice being grateful for the bad things.
The stoics believed bad events, just as much as the good, made us who we are. And they did their best to embrace both.
“Convince yourself that everything is the gift of the gods,” -Marcus Aurelius
9/14/23
To me, Memento Mori (remember you will die) is the easy thing to accept. Because…well… it’s just a fact of life.
And treating each day like it’s a “Bonus” day makes sense.
But there is a stoic concept that’s a little harder for me.
Amor fati or a love of fate.
It means to make the best of everything that happens.
Good or bad.
“To treat each and every moment–no matter how challenging–as something to be embraced, not avoided. To not only be okay with it, but love it and be better for it”
And I get it.
We are back to not having an opinion about what we don’t control. (Why rage at the rain on the day you were supposed to go to the beach?)
But amor fati takes it even further. It’s not enough to not have an opinion about bad things.
It’s about embracing them.
Making the best out of them.
Learning from them.
And saying to yourself, ” If this is what I’ve got to do or put up with, I might as well be happy about it.”
Yep.
Looks like we are back to the question, “Is this something I control?” Nope. Then, learn to love it…
But how?
Let’s investigate that tomorrow.
“Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happens the way it happens: then you will be happy” – Epictetus
9/15/23
Amor fati. The love of fate.
I always want good things to happen.
But bad things will happen.
Fate, life, God, whatever, doesn’t care about my plans.
Fate’s gonna fate.
But to hate what happened…to wish it didn’t happen…to rage against it…is futile.
Because it did happen.
So now what?
Amor fati…
But learning to love your fate isn’t something you can do overnight.
You need to practice.
Practice with small irritations and disappointments first. The things that are easy to get over.
Ask yourself.
What other worse problems might this one be saving me from?
What can I learn from this unchosen experience?
What good, equally unexpected events might result from it?
Even if you still don’t love your fate after answering the questions… your answers still may help you find a better way forward.
“Accept the fact that all events occur for a reason and that it is within your capacity to see this reason as positive.” -Robert Greene
9/16/23
Maybe your thinking stoicism is hard. Or it’s not for you.
It is…and maybe it’s not for you.
I can’t say what’s right for you.
Or what’s worthy of your time.
All I can say is you deserve to find something that makes your life better…
Less fear…
Less anxiety…
Less frustration…
And less regret…
Maybe it’s a different philosophy…going for long walks….the Bible…whatever.
Find the thing that helps you feel better. And do it.
How do begin? How do you find that thing that works for you?
Simple.
Ask yourself, does this improve my (insert your issue here)?
Does it make it worse?
Is it neutral?
I’d encourage you to try and only do the things that are a YES.
Notice I didn’t say to ask yourself, does this “make me feel good?”
A gallon of ice cream would make me feel good …for about 20 minutes.
But I’d pay for it later.
It’s hard.
But you can do it!
“Man conquers the world by conquering himself.” -Zeno
9/17/23
Happy Sunday.
I’ve been sending texts for a couple of weeks now.
At this point, it’s normal to lose a little steam.
Suddenly, that thing that was new and exciting gets pushed to the back burner—and life as usual tries to take over.
So, I encourage you to pick a single thing to concentrate on this week.
Maybe keep working on not having an opinion about what you don’t control…
Memento Mori…
Amore Fati…
Journaling.
Something simple.
Pick a goal and write it down. Remind yourself of it again before you start each day.
At the end of the day, ask yourself how you did. (Any little victory counts)
And remember, the goal isn’t perfection.
The goal is to be 1% better by the end of the week.
“Every habit and capability is confirmed and grows in its corresponding actions, walking by walking, and running by running . . . therefore, if you want to do something, make a habit of it; if you don’t want to do that, don’t, but make a habit of something else instead.“ -Epictetus
9/18/23
The Navy SEALs have a motto…
“The only easy day was yesterday.”
To a SEAL, that motto means every day, you need to work harder than the last.
And maybe that seems a little overwhelming to a civilian. A reason to give up. A reason not to try.
But I don’t see it that way.
I see it as a reason to do better today.
A reason to make better choices.
And a reason to do the hard things now…so when I’m tested tomorrow, it’s easier.
And maybe the SEAL motto can help you, too.
Maybe it will make it easier to get out of bed early and work out… because tomorrow you’ll be one day older.
Maybe it will make it easier not to eat the cake today…because tomorrow, your body will be a little less healthy.
Maybe it will make it easier to work on your philosophy…because life WILL throw pain and suffering at you every chance it gets.
And I hate to tell you this, folks…
There ain’t no civilians in the battle of life.
We are all warriors.
But the good news is we get to decide how prepared we are to fight.
And it all starts with tiny steps. Tiny steps that get you closer to 1% improvement a week.
“We should discipline ourselves in small things, and from these progress to things of greater value.” -Marcus Aurelius
9/19/23
Imagine this.
Today, I’m walking down the street to my hotel. Minding my own business! When suddenly, a mean tree root sends me sprawling.
Hand in the air, flailing, I try to regain my balance. Starbucks coffee swinging wide to the right… my phone in a death gripvin my left.
And y’all, do you know what my first instinct was as I fell forward?
My first instinct was to think, “OMG, the people in those cars see me. ACT COOL”
Isn’t that crazy?
My first instinctual thought while falling toward the earth…was to worry about what other people think.
What is the evolutionary purpose of that?
Is that what the cavemen worried about? Should I be afraid if a tiger sees me spill my latte?
More important. What does this have to do with stoicism?
It’s a good reminder that some of our thoughts are almost instinctive. Especially the bad ones. The ones we learn as defense mechanisms.
And those are the ones that will get you. Because while you’re distracted by them, you miss the concrete rushing toward your face.
What can you do?
Just keep building the habit of observing your thoughts. Keep deciding if what you are thinking about is in your control. The more you do it, the more you will start noticing your thoughts.
A year ago, I wouldn’t have noticed that thought of embarrassment I had today.
Keep at it.
PS – I’m fine.
PPS – I overcame the embarrassment by imagining what a good laugh I gave those people in their cars. It was a great way to start their day.
“While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us.”― Benjamin Franklin.
9/20/23
The past is a bitch.
It traps you in a cycle of regrets and shame. While you hallucinate about how it could have been different. How you you could change it.
Your brain loves all that emotion.
But the truth is the past is a trap.
Thinking of the past robs you of the present.
Minutes…
Hours…
And days…
… You’ll never get back—while you worry yourself over the unchangeable.
Not to mention the emotional toll…as you beat yourself up over it.
How do you stop?
One thing that helps me is this simple statement.
“Don’t have regrets about the past. Because everything happened the only way it could have happened.”
I was who I was in that moment. Anyone else involved was who they were in that moment. The world was how it was.
That means there are no choices in the past. It’s just a replay (a poor replay). And I don’t have to have an opinion….my opinion wouldn’t matter anyway.
Everything happened exactly the way it had to happen. So why should I rage against it?
“What upsets people is not things themselves but their judgments about the things.” -Epictetus
9/21/23
Five years ago today, my stepbrother died in a farm accident.
He was 27.
Joe looked like a mix between a linebacker and a pro wrestler. And his large frame amplified his bigger-than-life energy.
He always had a big smile. The kind of smile that made you wonder what kind of mischief he was up to.
I didn’t know him that well. He was much younger than I. And I joined the military not long after my dad started dating his mom.
But over the years, we chatted about his goals and what he wanted in life. He was a super ambitious kid but lacked direction. (All thrust, no vector)
I enjoyed those talks.
And of course…
When someone that young dies, especially in a needless way, it makes you think.
I thought a lot while I listened to people tell their stories about Joe.
And I started to notice something.
Joe had lived an amazing life—in a short amount of time.
He had played sports…
He had dozens of little businesses—each earning him friends all over the state.
Someone even told a story about how Joe traded his truck for a horse.
He was a volunteer fireman.
And was even elected to the city council.
The stories about Joe went on from the time the doors opened until they closed.
And for two days, a constant parade of people from all walks of life and all ages came to say goodbye to Joe.
It was inspiring.
In 27 years, Joe had LIVED his life. And by living it with energy and enthusiasm, he impacted more lives than he ever knew.
We’ve talked about Memento mori—remember, you must die.
Memento mori helps keep us focused on the things that matter.
Because, in the end, most things don’t matter.
But I don’t think Memento Mori is just about remembering death.
It also means…
“Remember, you must live.”
Live well. Live big.
This is the only life you get.
“Concentrate every minute on doing what’s in front of you with precise and genuine seriousness, tenderly, willingly, with justice. And on freeing yourself from all other distractions.
Yes, you can, if you do everything as if it were the last thing you were doing in your life, and stop being aimless, stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you, stop being hypocritical, self-centered, and irritable.
Do you see how few things you have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life? If you can manage this, that’s all even the gods can ask of you. “ ~Marcus Aurelius
9/22/23
So the past is a bitch…
What is the future, then?
The future is the unstable twin sister of the past.
Let me explain…
Have you ever accurately predicted the future? Nope.
Yet you spend an exorbitant amount of time thinking about the future.
You know how you want things to turn out.
But best case, you only get it 80% right.
It’s impossible to predict
Yet how much time do you spend thinking about it? Worrying over it? Hoping for things to turn out a certain way?
And maybe I should let you keep obsessing over the future because what’s the harm?
Here’s the harm…
The future is where anxiety lives. You are anxious because you fear something in the future—or you worry about it not turning out the way you planned. Good or bad. It doesn’t matter.
Even worse…
The future is where you create expectations.
And when expectations aren’t met, you will be disappointed.
It’s human nature.
The problem is we spend so much time both in the past and looking to the future that we miss out on our actual life.
Our actual life only happens at this moment.
Everything else is false memories and delusional predictions.
Anxiety, shame, fear… none of it can exist in the moment. But this moment is where your life is 100% of the time.
Try to live in the present as much as you can.
“It’s ruinous for the soul to be anxious about the future and miserable in advance of misery, engulfed by anxiety that the things it desires might remain its own until the very end. For such a soul will never be at rest— by longing for things to come, it will lose the ability to enjoy present things.” — Seneca
9/23/23
Life happens in the now.
The past is a container for shame and regret.
The future is a container for fear and anxiety.
This moment is the only thing that truly exists.
So, try to detach yourself from the past and the future.
Try not to have an opinion about them. You can’t change what has happened. You can’t control what will happen.
As you go about your Saturday, take a few moments to practice focusing on the now.
Take a few breaths and try to just be present.
Happy weekend!
“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing.” – Seneca
9/24/23
I hope everyone had a good weekend.
As we start the next week, remember to keep asking, “is this in my control?”
Ask it for everything that happens.
And if it’s not something you control, say, “Then I don’t have an opinion about that.”
It’s good practice and will help it become second nature.
And if you haven’t tried journaling yet, now’s a great time to give it a try.
Also, I’m adding some people to the text group.
Since we have a mix of Android and iPhone users, I have to start a new group.
So If you know anyone you think would enjoy the text, then send me their number (with permission). I’ll add them when I start the new group on Wednesday.
Thanks
“What I advise you to do is, not to be unhappy before the crisis comes…some things torment us more than they ought; some torment us before they ought; and some torment us when they ought not to torment us at all. We are in the habit of exaggerating, or imagining, or anticipating, sorrow.” — Seneca
9/25/23
A simple strategy to deal with life….
Earlier this year, I took part in a new year’s stoic. challenge.
One of the things the teacher told us to do was create a mantra. The purpose of the mantra would be to help us come to terms with and embrace what lies ahead.
Not only that, a mantra is another tool for slowing stuff down so we can control of our reactions.
Or so we have time to ask, “is this something I control?”
Or so we can practice amore fati (to love one’s fate)
One example given to us was a mantra used by the comedian Pete Holmes. Peate created his mantra while dealing with his divorce. And it helped him so much that he kept using it.
Pete’s mantra is “Yes, thank you.”
Getting up at 3 a.m. with a crying baby? Yes, thank you. I know she is alive, and now I get to spend time with her, just she and I.
Nine-hour flight delay? Yes, thank you. Now I can sit and read.
Show canceled? Yes, thank you. Now I can go home, spend more time with my family, do more writing, and get more sleep.
Pete’s mantra began as a survival mechanism and became a pathway to freedom and acceptance.
Tomorrow, I’ll give you some more examples of other people’s mantras. But today, you can start thinking of your own stoic mantra.
My teacher told me to find something like Holmes’s three-word mantra. Something simple. Something freeing. Something to do with acceptance.
We will talk more about it tomorrow.
“Epithets for yourself: Upright. Modest. Straightforward. Sane. Cooperative. Try not to exchange for others.” — Marcus Aurelius (his mantra)
9/26/23
Can mantras make you superhuman?
Yesterday, we talked about creating our own mantra to help us deal with life in a more stoic way.
The example I used was the comedian Pete Holmes. Pete’s mantra was “yes, thank you.”
Now, let’s take a look at someone a little more…superhuman.
Jocko Willink commanded the most highly decorated Navy SEAL unit of the Iraq War.
And Jocko’s mantra is “Good.”
Oh, the mission got canceled? Good… We can focus on another one.
Didn’t get the new gear we wanted? Good… We can keep it simple.
Didn’t get promoted? Good… More time to get better.
Got injured? Good… Needed a break from training.
Got beat? Good… We learned.
Unexpected problems? Good… We have to figure out solutions.
You get the idea.
Stoics like Jocko know life is going to throw stuff at them. They choose if they will grow or be defeated by it.
Keep thinking of your mantra.
I’ll have more tomorrow.
Amore fati
“A good person dyes events with his own color…and turns whatever happens to his own benefit.” -Seneca
9/28/23
It took me about a week to come up with my mantra.
I thought a lot about what I’d been struggling with.
I looked up other people’s mantras.
And I put my subconscious to work on it while I slept.
What I came up with was…
Slow…Deliberate…Grateful
Slow was to help me slow down and think before I react.
Deliberate was to think first and move with deliberate action.
And grateful…
Well, who doesn’t need to be more grateful?
PLUS, as I’ve said before, anxiety, stress, depression, fear–all the bad emotions… can’t exist in the same place as gratitude.
My mantra has served me pretty well this year.
I repeat it often…
I wrote it on my whiteboard…
And I write it in my journal.
I only changed one thing.
I added Breathe.
I added Breathe because it helps me slow down even more and calm my emotions before I get swept away.
So…
Breathe…Slow…Deliberate…Grateful
I hope you come up with one, too.
“You have power over your mind, not outside events, realize this and you will find strength.”—Seneca.