This is a continuation of my stoic text thread where I discuss stoicism. You can see the first texts here.
9/29/23
I’m a planner…
I’m the kind of person who has backup plans for my backup plans.
It comes in handy when flying airplanes.
What if the weather is worse than expected?
What if there is a malfunction?
What if the runway is closed?
The Stoics practiced something similar called Premeditatio Malorum (the premeditation of evils)
Each morning, the stoic philosophers recommended imagining all the things that could go wrong that day.
Why?
Because when we acknowledge something in advance, we are less likely to fall apart when it happens….and we will be better prepared to respond.
Not only that, you can take steps to mitigate the threat.
Think of it as a risk reduction.
If your car burns oil, then keeping an extra quart in the trunk makes sense.
If you sometimes get busy and ignore your partner, then making a plan to spend time with them is a good idea.
If you get angry when you get hungry, then packing a snack will help you be a better person.
You get the point.
Start with the simple stuff and build from there.
“The unexpected blows of fortune fall heaviest and most painfully, which is why the wise man thinks about them in advance.”—Seneca
9/30/23
After yesterday’s text, I started wondering… “Am I supposed to worry about the future or not?”
On one hand, we aren’t supposed to live in the future or worry about what we don’t control.
We’re supposed to “love our fate”
On the other hand, there’s Premeditatio Malorum (the premeditation of evils)
I studied this a bit this morning to answer that question.
I discovered that Premeditatio Malorum was created as a weapon to fight against fear and anxiety about the future.
For example…
I’ve talked about handling emergencies in an airplane before.
How I think about an engine failure before I take off.
How I think about the procedure.
Then I move on to the next thing.
I don’t keep worrying about it all the way down the runway.
I don’t think, “OMG, but what if I HAD lost an engine on takeoff?” for the rest of the flight.
And IF it does happen, I’ve prepared myself to react faster than if it took me by surprise.
And there are hundreds of things you do every day, too, that are the same.
You don’t jump in your car and worry about everything that can go wrong.
Because you know how to change a tire….
You know how to check your oil…
You know what all the indicators mean…
And if you don’t?
You probably have a cell phone and know who to call.
Thinking of the bad things that might happen and creating a plan lets us actually release our anxiety.
It also reminds us that we have the tools to overcome any challenge we may face.
And it helps us react appropriately.
And sure, it’s easier said than done.
But so is being a good human…
“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which arm you against the present” -Marcus Aurelius
10/1/23
I was listening to a copywriting training last night, and the teacher said…
“You can only be to others what you are to yourself. “
I don’t want to tell you what to think about that.
Because we will all see it differently based on where we are in our lives.
And we will walk away with what we need to hear.
But it seemed like a good quote to think about as we start a new week.
Maybe a little reminder of why we are on this Stoic quest.
(Or at least follow me on mine.)
I hope you had a good weekend.
I’ll be back with more Stoic goodness tomorrow.
10/2/23
All of this self-improvement stuff is tough.
It’s kinda like when you see something, and you can’t unsee it.
(I’m looking at your article on the 1920s meat packing industry!)
Stoicism is like that…
It could be empowering.
It could be terrifying.
Probably both.
But it’s impossible to un-see it.
And now you have a choice.
Do you go back to the way things were, KNOWING 80% of your pain and suffering is self-inflicted?
Or do you pick what seems like the hard path… and free yourself of self-inflicted suffering?
To me, it’s an easy an easy decision.
And the more I practice, the easier it gets.
Because once I started learning Stoicism, I couldn’t unlearn it.
I started hearing myself say, “I don’t have an opinion about that.”
I started letting go of the past… because I know things in the past happened the only way they could have.
And I do my best not to worry about the future.
Maybe you’ve noticed a little bit of that, too…
It’s all hard.
But the more we practice, the more it just happens.
“Be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved, and the raging sea falls around it.” -Marcus Aurelius
10/3/23
In 1998 I was kicked out of ROTC officer training because I couldn’t run fast enough.
It was devastating.
I watched my dreams of being a pilot evaporate—all because I couldn’t run around a track fast enough.
And spoiler alert. I didn’t let it stop me.
But running remained the bane of my existence.
I just wasn’t born a runner.
I hated every second of it.
And no matter what I did, I couldn’t get faster.
But, despite my failure, I fought my way back into officer training.
This time, I had to do it the hard way and go to Officer Training School (OTS).
Even at OTS, I only passed the run on my last possible chance… and I was last to cross the finish line.
And once I was in the Air Force, nothing changed.
Every year, I’d still barely pass the run on the physical fitness test.
And I was always the last one to cross the finish line.
It was the same year after year.
Until one day, something changed.
I was practicing for a half marathon with a friend (she guilted me into it)
And when I got back from my practice, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to do the marathon with me.
She said, “No. I’m not a runner like you.”
And normally that would have pissed me off inside.
I would have beat myself up over all my past running failures.
And I would have explained how bad of a runner I was, too!
But something was different.
I don’t know. Maybe it was the endorphins.
Maybe I was just tired.
But instead of demanding she acknowledge what a bad runner I was…
I thought about all of the friends I’d made in California. None of them ran.
I thought about all the running I did in the military. Way more than the average person.
And for some reason, something shifted in my head, and I said…
“Fuck it, I’m a runner”
And I just believed it.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I still hated running.
But I never had a problem passing a fitness test again.
I was never last.
And I even did a few half marathons after that.
What’s this got to do with stoicism?
There will be more time for that tomorrow.
“You’re you. And you’re not measured or made by externals or anything outside of your control. What matters is who you are on the inside.” —Ryan Holliday
10/4/23
So, I became a “runner.”
But let me be clear.
I still didn’t enjoy it.
But just getting out and getting it done became easy.
Why?
Because my identity shifted to being a runner.
And runners run.
Yes, it is that simple.
When you identify as something, then doing it becomes easier.
It’s easier because you don’t need discipline anymore.
It’s just what you do.
I’m a runner. So I run.
I’m a writer. So I write.
I’m a (insert whatever you want). So I X.
But you have to believe it.
How do you believe it?
Sounds like a good topic for tomorrow.
P.S. yeah. I know we are a little short on stoic lessons so far this week. But if you want to make a change… you have to shift your identity.
“Your mind will be like its habitual thoughts, for the soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts. Soak it then in such trains of thoughts as, for example: Where life is possible at all, a right life is possible.” – Marcus Aurelius
10/5/23
I might have dug myself a hole when I promised to tell you how to change your identity.
I mean, I’m no expert.
And in the times in my life when my identity shifted (like deciding I was a runner), I’m not sure how it happened.
But I did think of one example.
When I was little, I always wanted to be a writer.
But I was told I couldn’t spell.
I didn’t do well with grammar.
And teachers convinced me I would never write.
That was until Mr. Thomson.
Mr. Thomson was my freshman literature teacher.
And he loved my writing.
He told me it was “good.”
And that’s all it took.
An authority figure. And an “expert” told me my writing was good.
I remembered his encouragement years later when I decided I was going to write.
My identity shifted.
So that’s one way.
But it doesn’t work as well when you are an adult.
Let’s talk about the other ways to make changes in your life tomorrow.
“If then it’s not that the things you pursue or avoid are coming at you, but rather that you in a sense are seeking them out, at least try to keep your judgment of them steady, and they too will remain calm, and you won’t be seen chasing after or fleeing from them.” — Marcus Aurelius.
10/6/23
So, having an authority figure tell you that you have a certain identity helps shift yours.
But it seems like as we get older, that works less.
Maybe it’s because we have fewer authority figures we look up to as we get older.
So we need another way.
Another way is setting goals and trying to push your way through.
But the problem with goals is they take willpower.
And you only wake up with so much willpower each day.
When it’s gone…
That fragile new identity starts to crack.
So, what’s another way to create a new identity?
Let’s chat more tomorrow.
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
— Buddha
10/7/23
I’m traveling today so I’m going to leave you with a stoic quote for the weekend.
Thoughts become perceptions. Perception becomes reality. Alter your thoughts, alter your reality.”
– William James
10/9/23
I left off with the question of how to change your identity.
Why would you want to change your identity?
Because when you want to do something hard or change something about yourself—it’s easier to do when that thing becomes a part of who you are.
One way to change your identity is when someone you respect recognizes you for a trait you didn’t know you had.
Like my high school teacher telling me, I was a good writer.
We also talked about setting goals and forcing yourself to make changes.
But the first way works best when you are young and still more open to that kind of feedback.
The second takes discipline and time. And you can still fall back into old habits.
So, what’s the third way?
I call it a thought bomb.
A thought bomb breaks a belief that you take for granted as being the truth.
Remember my story about running?
I thought I was a bad runner. I believed it. I didn’t question it.
Then my girlfriend called me a runner.
And in a matter of seconds, I thought about all the people I knew who didn’t run. I thought about all the physical things I had to do in the military.
And I realized that I was a runner compared to most people I knew.
That simple realization broke my belief that I wasn’t a runner. Then, there was no going back.
But there’s a lot more.
Let’s talk more tomorrow.
“No great thing is created suddenly.” – Epictetus
10/10/23
So, the thought bomb makes you question your beliefs about yourself.
And if those beliefs are false, they start to crack.
But how many false beliefs could you possibly have about yourself?
A lot.
Most of your beliefs—particularly your beliefs about how to stay safe in this world—were formed before you were two.
That means every day, humans walk around believing they are a certain type of person–and react in ways to “keep themselves safe”–based on rules created by a 2-year-old.
Yet, we rarely question it.
So, if you are struggling to make a change, think about what beliefs may be holding you back.
Question those beliefs.
And find examples of other people like you who accomplished what you want to accomplish.
Or times when you did what you wanted to do.
Poke holes in your beliefs until you start to see cracks.
And then rebuild with the new belief that fits your identity.
“The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.” – Marcus Aurelius
10/11/23
My grandma was a worrier.
I’m not talking about normal worry. I’m taking needing meds kind of worry.
I remember going to visit her once after a deployment. She hugged me and told me she was so glad I was home.
I could see the relief in her eyes for about 3 seconds before a terrified look took its place.
Then she asked, “When do you go again?”
Her brain was always in a constant state of worry and anxiety.
That’s how she lived her whole life.
It had to be terrible.
And I know we aren’t all that bad.
But how often do you worry?
If you pay attention, it’s probably more than you think.
The problem with worry is it robs you of the present in an attempt to gain control of fate.
I hate to tell you. Fate doesn’t care how much you worry.
And I know we’ve talked a lot about how to let go.
Don’t have an opinion about what you don’t control. Journal. Meditate. Practice gratitude.
But I also have a secret saying I’ve used for years to help kick those worried thoughts out of my head.
I tell myself, “That’s future Jody’s problem.”
And I trust her to handle it.
“They lose the day in expectation of the night, and the night in fear of the dawn.”—Seneca
10/12/23
What really Matters?
That’s what you have to ask yourself before you act on emotions.
Before you speak
Before you do.
The problem with the question is it’s subjective.
It depends on your life and your experiences.
You could have an answer to what really matters that’s different from mine.
And on any given day, you could have a different answer.
That’s why you need a compass.
Something that points you true north no matter the situation.
I like to use Memento Mori for that.
I try to ask…
Will this matter on my last day?
Will this burned piece of toast be the last thing I think about?
Will I be glad I lost my temper and yelled at my friend?
Will I be glad I spent all those hours to make that extra money in my bank account?
Will I be glad?..
Will this matter?
Just another tool to put in your arsenal for the hard days.
Because living a stoic life isn’t easy.
Living a good life isn’t easy.
That’s why the stoics had journals.
Mantras.
Study.
Took time in nature.
Took care of their bodies and minds.
And more.
These are all structures that help us frame things… slow down… make good choices…and live a good life.
“the art of living was more like wrestling than dancing.”—Marcus Aurelius
10/14/23
When I think back on my life…I’m shocked by how much time I’ve wasted.
I was always waiting for something to be over…
Or waiting for the next thing…
Or worried about the past…
Or what would happen in the future…
I think that’s how a lot of people live their lives.
Because it’s just so hard to be present.
To stop feeling bad about the past.
To stop worrying about the future.
And to just sit in the now–and be okay with how things turn out.
Why is it hard?
Because, in some sick way, our brains learned that all of that worry and anxiety gives us control over our fate.
So when we try to be present, we panic. Because if we are not worrying about the past or the future, it feels like we are losing control.
And our subconscious mind (remember, the part of us that was programmed by the time we were 2 years old?) yanks us from the present.
So you have to work to be present.
But it gets easier with practice.
And when you practice, you will spend more time in the present.
More time without anxiety or fear.
And more time at PEACE.
Because peace lives in the present.
Here’s how I practice.
When I notice I’m not in the present, I pull myself back.
I focus on something, maybe a pretty sky, a painting, or a bowl of cereal. It doesn’t matter.
I think about every detail. Or just take in its beauty.
And when the anxiety comes trying to pull me away (and it will), I just focus and breathe.
My breathing washes the anxiety away and helps anchor me to the present.
And the present is the only place I exist.
And the present is the only place peace exists, too.
“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.” – Seneca
10/15/23
At USAF pilot training, there was a dreaded exercise we called “stand-up.”
Here’s how it worked…
The instructors would “randomly” select one of us to participate.
When it was my turn, I’d go to the front of the room, in front of all my peers, and stand at attention.
Once I stood there, eyes locked forward, the instructor would read off an emergency scenario that could happen in the airplane.
After the instructor finished reading, he said, “Lt Robertson, you have the aircraft.”
From there, I had to work through the emergency step-by-step.
And if I made an error… or misspoke a word—they told me to sit down.
And getting sat down was terrible because instead of flying that morning, you had to study.
It was embarrassing.
And since you were competing with everyone in your group, it made you look bad.
Stand-up was just one of the ways they had to crank up the pressure.
They cranked up the pressure because they needed to know when real emergencies hit… or when we flew combat missions… we’d keep our cool and stay in control.
But they didn’t just throw us to the wolves.
They gave us a secret tool to handle emergencies…
The secret wasn’t to jump into the checklist…
Or start flipping switches.
Or to go with our gut.
The secret was to pause… wait… think.
Because the truth is most airplane emergencies won’t kill you fast. And most accidents are pilot error.
So we’d pause, take a breath, and say…
“Sir/Ma’am, I will maintain aircraft control, analyze the situation, and take proper coordinated action.”
Then, go from there.
And when it comes to Stoicism, that’s the same thing not having an opinion about external events does for us, too.
Saying to yourself, “I don’t have an opinion about that,” is about pausing and slowing down even when your emotions make you feel like something is an emergency.
It’s about taking the time to pause and reflect. It helps you recognize that your immediate reactions or judgments might not serve you or the situation.
It gives you the space to process, reflect, and understand things more deeply.
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”—Epictetus.